Letters to You
by speedfanatic05
Summary: The journey to love is never without its obstacles. Roy's in luck; he's got a map to help him out. Fem!Ed x Roy. AU


**A/N: Fair warning, language, some slight OOC-ness, and fluffy goodness ahead.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Letters to You**

 _What was I thinking? I can't do this, I can't…I'm not ready._

Ed paced frantically, the questions, doubts running on repeat in her thoughts. The day had arrived, the day she'd unconsciously prepared for the moment she'd seen him and here she was, a basket case, ready to melt down.

"It's understandable," she mumbled to herself. The soft swish of the elegant material seemed to amplify the tension in the room further annoying her; though she loathed admitting, the dress itself was beautiful and its clean lines and killer silhouette enhanced her slim form, it was simply too much material to deal with. If the thought of entering a state of matrimony with a certain alchemist wasn't strangling enough, toting around an extra five pounds of material was tortuous. She frowned and shook her head as she continued to pace, her hands grasping the billowing skirt tightly, "No one expects this to work, why am I pressing the issue here? I can leave…that's right; I can leave and call him later."

"Sister," Alphonse began nervously, shifting his eyes to Winry and Riza as they looked on. A restless Ed was a careless Ed. Alphonse was eternally grateful that she'd chosen to busy her hands with making sure she didn't trip over the dress. Exhaling heavily, he offered, "Why don't you take a seat and calm down? It won't do you any good to worry yourself right before the ceremony."

"Ceremony, ceremony, the ceremony's today…"

"That's right, Edaline, it's today," Winry chimed in as she traded apprehensive glances with Riza.

Alphonse regarded his sister with a wary gaze, worried that she would attempt to make a break for it. She'd been calm the week leading up to the big day and he'd thought he'd dodged the bullet when she'd arrived at the gardens with a magnificent smile and love in her eyes. Although notorious for deflecting, Ed couldn't fool him and no amount of perceived vitriol would dispel the notion that she was head over heels in love. The journey had been long and arduous but the moment had arrived nonetheless; he'd watch his sister begin a new phase in her life with the man she'd fallen so hard for and do so with an abundance of happiness. Ed deserved as much, considering the hell she'd lived for so many years.

And everything was going so well…until Ed had seen her reflection in the mirror.

Winry and Riza had fawned over her properly, braiding her long blond hair and pinning it into an elegant bun- which Winry had succinctly explained that it was a chignon, but whatever- before applying a gentle dusting of makeup. He had watched the transformation in silent awe, his eyes widening as they'd stepped away from Ed, revealing the demure beauty he'd known his sister to be.

She'd regarded him nervously, her expression pained as she'd asked, "Well…what do you think, Alphonse?"

He had taken his time to answer, his eyes traveling the expanse of the gorgeous, yet simple gown before catching the trepidation in her golden orbs. He took up the bouquet of flowers and had stepped forward and taking her hand in his, leading her to the full length mirror in the corner of the room. He'd stood behind her and offered the bouquet before placing his hands on her shoulders as their gazes met, their matching smiles brightening the room.

"You are absolutely stunning. Mustang's going to have a heart attack…"

In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have mentioned Mustang.

"Alphonse, she's going for the door!" Riza called out frantically.

"Catch her!" Winry cried.

Alphonse snapped out of his meandering musings and moved into action, making great strides to catch up to Ed just before she reached the door. She'd gotten as far as to place her hand on the knob before he'd reached her, grasping her upper arm gently. She struggled mightily in his hold, flailing her arms wildly in the hopes that he'd release her. Instead, he tightened his grip, earning a death glare from his big sister.

It would've given him pause- if he'd been afraid of her reprisal. As it stood, he'd held the record for most wins during their sparring matches so he was rather confident that he could take her down if need be.

"Let me go, Al or I'll rip this dress right off!" Ed threatened through clenched teeth.

"C'mon, Ed," Al began as he pulled her back gently. He turned her around to face him, seeing the extent of her anxiety in her wide, tense eyes. It was as if she were a trapped animal waiting for the hunter to appear. "Ed, what's going on? Why are you falling apart now? You and Roy…"

"Are destined to fail, Alphonse," she interjected sullenly. She openly stared at him, her expression a vexing mixture of hope and despair. "I thought…I thought we'd be good together but we're on opposite ends of the spectrum."

"That's not a bad thing, Ed. Ever heard that opposites attract?" Alphonse smiled warmly, "You both have enough passion to keep it interesting."

"That's what I'm afraid of, Al. What if…what if I can't meet his expectations? What if after a couple of years, I won't be enough?"

"You're being ridiculous, Ed."

"No, I'm being proactive. Better to stop a broken heart before it happens," Ed rationalized dourly. "I'm doing us both a big favor by skipping out while I can."

She averted her eyes briefly, and Alphonse exploited the momentary respite to gesture to Riza with a quick nod. He watched as she left quickly, the door opening and closing soundlessly behind her. It was then that he'd heard the quiet sniffles.

Ed was crying.

Ed never cried.

Astounded by his big sister's emotional outburst, he offered meekly, "Ed, please don't cry. We can fix this."

"How, Al? How can I stop this fear from eating me alive?"

Alphonse was at a loss; it was a rare occasion that Ed admitted to being afraid and now that her vulnerabilities had been exposed, the certainty of anyone getting married at this point had decreased exponentially.

But then something happened.

Ed had stopped crying. He looked down at her, observing as her expression rapidly shifted; apprehension and trepidation segued almost seamlessly to determination and equanimity, her gaze resolute. Once Ed made up her mind, there was nothing anyone could do to change it. She was about to bolt.

Ed placed a hand on his chest and gave him a wary smile, her luminous eyes welling with a new supply tears, "I know you want the best for me, brother, but maybe this is for the best. Maybe, we're not-"

A sharp knock interrupted her words and Alphonse fought to keep the smile from spreading. He looked down at his sister and exhaled lightly, "I think someone might take you to task about that."

"Edaline…are you okay?"

Ed groaned and smacked Alphonse across his chest as she pushed away from him, "Dirty move, Alphonse."

"I'm not giving up without a fight and you shouldn't either, Ed." Alphonse pulled her into his arms again and hugged her tightly as he whispered in her ear, "Talk to him. I'm sure you'll find that you're more alike than you think."

When Ed pulled away, she glanced at the door and then back to her brother, "If this is a bust, I walk."

"Just try, Ed. Try."

Ed exhaled and glanced to Winry, "I'm going to need the room, Win." When she hesitated, Ed huffed, "I promise I won't destroy this precious dress."

"It's a gown, idiot," Winry groused. She started for the door pausing just before she placed her hand on the knob, "And for your information, he can't see you, not until the ceremony. It's tradition."

"Screw tradition."

"ARRRGH! I swear, Ed, I think you live to piss me off!" Winry blew out an exasperated breath before swinging the door open only wide enough for her departure, stepping just past the threshold. She eyed the man before her and shook her head, "You've got your work cut out for you, Sir. Good luck with that."

Alphonse chuckled as he followed, walking past Ed. He reached to brush his hand against her shoulder, "Promise me you'll try, Ed. You deserve happiness but make sure it's _your_ happiness that you're after, not some misconceived notion of whatothers think _should_ make you happy."

Ed relented and gave him a nod, "I'll try."

Alphonse smiled brightly, "Good, because I definitely want to see Mustang's face when he sees you walking down the aisle."

"We'll see," Ed replied as she watched her brother exit. He turned to give her a brief wave and she waved back. The door closed and suddenly, the tension returned tenfold. Ed took a deep breath and placed the bouquet on the couch as she approached hesitantly. Standing before the door, she laid her hand against the thick wood, biting her lip in an effort to stave another wave of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her.

"I hear you're having second thoughts."

His despondent, lonesome tone tugged at her heart and she leaned her head forward, resting it on the wood. She waited a moment before speaking, hoping that her voice wouldn't crack. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't."

His heavy sigh filtered through the door, "Understood. Before you make a decision, could you…could you just listen for a moment?"

"Roy…"

"Ed, just…listen, okay?"

Ed considered his request before relenting. She could give him this moment.

"Alright, I'm listening." The faint sound of crinkling paper filled the void left by his silence and Ed frowned, "Roy, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to tell you everything I couldn't tell you all those years ago, Ed. And I want you to listen to every word." After a brief pause, he cleared his throat and began, "Spring, 1911. Greetings, Edaline, I hope this finds you recovering at a rapid pace…"

Ed lifted her head away from the door and stared at it, dumbfounded. "Roy, what is this?"

"You promised that you'd listen, Ed. So, if you don't mind, I'll get back to it." He began again, "I hope this finds you recovering at a rapid pace. I've heard from your friend, Winry Rockbell…"

 ** _…_** ** _I've heard from your friend, Winry Rockbell. She's awestruck at how quickly you've taken to the automail but worries greatly for your well being. Apparently, your tenacity to reach your goals far outweighs your concern for your safety. As much as that will benefit you in the future, for right now, I caution you to take it easy. You've already been through hell but you've yet to really experience how difficult life can be. I'd be willing to wager that you give as good as you get. . Again, that will serve you well for the journey you're about to embark on._**

 ** _I only hope that you're resolute in your determination. You may not know this yet, but your goals run in tandem with my own for Amestris. When you're ready, I urge you to put your keen intelligence to use and become a formidable State Alchemist. I won't sugar coat it; becoming a State Alchemist means that you're beholden to the Fuhrer and you'll become a dog of the military and expected to act in accordance. With that said, however, the ends justify the means and you'll have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips._**

 ** _I look forward to meeting you in Central._**

 ** _Good luck,_**

 ** _Colonel Roy Mustang_**

"Roy…"

"I wrote that right after Winry called Central to let me know that you had decided that you'd become a State Alchemist." Roy paused and exhaled heavily, "I was so angry, yet hopeful for you, Ed. I wanted to help you get Al's body back, to set right so many wrongs."

"You did, Roy."

Roy chuckled, "It was a hard road traveled that's for sure, but I'm not done, Ed. There's more."

Ed smiled lightly as she carefully lowered herself to the floor, resting against the door, "Please, enlighten me."

"As you wish, my dear."

* * *

 **Summer, 1914**

 **Ed,**

 **Frustration is never fun; believe me, I've encountered enough since you became a State Alchemist to last me three lifetimes. I know this mission of yours is personal but please remember that the pocket watch in your possession isn't just decoration. You agreed to the terms when you took the oath, accepted your handle and became my subordinate. Don't force my hand with this; either you send a report or abandon your search. Questions are surfacing and others are wondering why I'm allowing my fifteen year old subordinate the run of the country without reprisal (really, couldn't you flush out a lead without nearly destroying everything in your path?). Yes, I've heard of your adventures, of the challenges you've faced and conquered.**

 **And of course the multiple injuries you've sustained.**

 **Edaline, as much as you want to find the stone, you have to remember that you're still a fifteen year old girl; you may have automail but you're not indestructible. You're leaving a trail of chaos and destruction, the likes of which would deplete your account- if you ever saw fit to stand responsible for your actions. It's a bit redundant and I'm afraid to admit this but your recklessness, although sometimes warranted, make me anxious. You're an important part of my team which means that you're important to me. Besides, I don't know what I'd say to Ms. Rockbell if something ever happened to you.**

 **I just hope that you survive your latest lead- and for cripes sake, stay out of the goddamned hospitals.**

 **-Mustang**

Ed smiled, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. Most of her days were filled with fighting and repairing but she remembered every one of them as if they'd happened yesterday. "I have you know, I did repair the town and the townspeople were very grateful for it."

"Yes, but that doesn't account for the massive hospital bills left in your wake. When I'd heard that you'd been hurt, I got so angry that Hawkeye practically ordered me to take the rest of the day."

Ed frowned, "You were angry because I was injured? Why?"

"Because, Edaline, I felt worthless. You were out there, risking your life for the stone and I was sitting behind my desk, doing paperwork."

"Psha, paperwork," Ed laughed heartily, "excuse me if I don't believe you."

"Regardless, I was ridiculously protective of you and Alphonse; you were my charges, ** _mine_**. And as you are well aware of, I'm not keen on others messing with what's mine."

"Yes," she answered quietly, her cheeks a furious shade of red, "I'm well aware." She heard him shuffling more papers and frowned, "Question, lover boy; just how many letters did you bring?"

"All of them."

"And how many did you write?"

A brief pause settled between them before he responded, "Let's see, I started them when you were twelve… a hundred and twelve or thereabout. I lost count after the Promised Day."

"A hundred and twelve," she replied in disbelief. "Why didn't you send at least one?"

"I couldn't risk it, Ed. I couldn't risk our lives- or my…my heart."

"Well, that could account for some of the animosity," Ed posited, "it frustrated me to no end that you always had this chip on your shoulder. I thought that you hated me. And it seemed to get worst as I got older."

"There's a reason for that."

"Oh, do tell."

Another shuffle followed by a low chuckle. "Let's see… Fall of 1919 should explain everything."

* * *

 ** _Fall, 1919_**

 **Ed,**

 **I'm at a loss here. I don't know how to explain what happened; one minute, we're catching up with each other, the next, you had me against the wall of that alley. Maybe it was all of those years spent shedding and spilling blood for the same goal or perhaps alcohol was the catalyst- either way about it, I can admit now that it was the moment you stole my heart. In the span of a minute, you captured my attention but you left so fast, I didn't have a chance to express myself.**

 **Your silence was troubling but I think I know why; you were pensive, unsure of the connotation of a relationship. We're only a couple of years removed from everything that had happened on The Promised Day- I'm busy with my efforts in Ishbal and you were settling in Resembool.**

 **Imagine my surprise when Riza informed me of your engagement.**

 **I'm angry, Ed. Angry and hurt. You didn't give me-us- a chance to deal with what you'd done. You made your move and then decided on your very own that there simply wasn't anything left to consider. And now…now you're getting married.**

 **I don't know what to do now. I often reflect on that balmy spring evening at that pub, on how absolutely radiant you were, of the jovial laughter, of the beautiful smile that had finally surfaced and I realize that maybe this outcome's for the better. I'm fourteen years your senior and you hate my guts; I'm contemplative and you're reckless. Aside from our shared battle, I couldn't imagine there would be anything we could relate on. Still the same, I'd fallen for you in that moment and when you kissed me, it was as if all of the pieces slid into place. I'd found peace in your embrace, your warmth, your taste was nothing short of a miracle. I realized then that I was yours.**

 **I still am yours.**

 **Funny, after all those years at each other's throats, I long for just a word from you.**

 **I'm nearly drunk so this is surprisingly lucid but I'm painfully aware that this is the first and -possibly-last time we will share the same feeling. I can't imagine I'll be a cordial guest at your nuptials. I will make sure to send my regards to you and your husband.**

 **Is it crazy to wish that it were me?**

 **Forever Yours,**

 **Roy**

"Ed?"

Ed wiped at the tears falling freely, her throat tight with emotion. She had no idea he'd felt that way about her, especially during such a confusing time. She'd spent most of the years after The Promised Day tending to Alphonse while he convalesced in Resembool only traveling back to Central sporadically. It was on one of those trips that she'd met Allan. He'd been possibly the only person who didn't know who she was and that anonymity had been refreshing and enthralling. After the dust had settled, she had been ready to settle into a quiet life but there had been a part of her that wondered if the desire hidden in the deepest corners of her heart had any merit. And on a random trip to Central, she'd confirmed it and then promptly disappeared on him.

Ed sniffled as the tears continued to fall, "I- I didn't know, Roy."

"You do now," he responded glibly. More shuffling, "Things got worse before they got better for us. You can't imagine how many grey hairs you've caused to sprout. None more so than what was to come."

* * *

 **Summer, 1920**

 **God dammit, Ed, where are you?**

 **I've spent countless hours, days, and weeks searching for you only to come up with nothing. Alphonse is searching the East and my men are spread throughout the country with orders not to sleep until you are found. Surely, with so much land covered, I'd find you by now but after six months, I'm starting to believe that something terrible has befallen you. I don't want to lend credence to the thought of your demise. Even though I couldn't have you, I was willing to live with your decision; as long as you were alive and happy, I was content. I cannot fathom a life without you in it, Edaline. I don't know if I would survive. I'm at wits end as it is; anything more and I'm sure I'll go insane.**

 **I just want to hear a word from you, Ed.**

 **Please.**

 **Ever Yours,**

 **Roy**

"I needed time," Ed offered meekly. The desolate tone of Roy's voice as he read had struck the core of Ed's spirit. She'd disappeared, leaving everyone, including Allan and Alphonse in the dark as to where she was going and if and when she'd be back. The kiss had thrown her into an unforgiving abyss, one that she couldn't escape without acknowledging some truths: She was in love with Roy Mustang and couldn't navigate those conflictual emotions without everything going to shit. The last thing she wanted anyone to know was that she couldn't handle this; the pride of her legacy impeded logical thought and she rationalized that if she could figure out her feelings, she'd come back. After an entire year traveling alone, she'd faced her realities- and him.

"But you came back."

"I came back."

"And that's when the fun really began…"

* * *

 **Winter, 1921**

 **My Dearest Edaline,**

 **You've been gone for only one week and already, I'm about to lose my mind. I'm not sure how I feel about you accepting contracting jobs from the military. A part of me thinks that you took the job because you're getting a bit stir crazy- or that you're tiring of me. I can admit I've smothered you since you've returned but I can't help it. For almost a year, I thought I'd lost you. I'm not keen on letting you slip through my fingers again. Life with you has been sublime and each moment spent in your arms, a revelation. When you get back, I'll make sure to show you just how revered you really are…**

 **Speaking of, have you given any thought to what I've suggested? Living together isn't the worst thing and considering how quickly our relationship has evolved, it may be to our benefit. There are but so many times I can excuse my tardiness due to oversleeping…**

"Ha! Over sleeping my ass; you were late to work because you couldn't keep your hands off me, you pervy bastard!"

"I never heard any complaints, Edaline." A dark chuckle filtered through the wood, "On the contrary, there were a lot of accolades; loud, expressive accolades."

"Pride comes before the fall, Mustang," Ed shot back. She spied a box of tissues sitting on the desk and moved to grab them. Settling back in, she added, "No need to continue with this one. If I can remember straight, you made good on your promise- nothing more to be said."

Roy laughed loudly, "You're absolutely right. It gets downright filthy."

"Roy!"

"What can I say; your prolonged absences weren't the easiest to deal with. I had to do something to…"

"Finish that sentence and you can forget marrying me."

"So…you're reconsidering then?"

Roy's voice was ever hopeful and Ed couldn't help but blush. Suddenly, the choking feeling had dissipated and for the first time, she'd felt a sense of completion. She didn't know if it were the letters or if it was simply spending a quiet moment with him- whatever had happened, had given her a clarity she'd never experienced before.

"It depends."

"On…"

"It depends on if the next letter sweeps me off my feet."

The sound of furious shuffling echoed between them and Ed pressed her hand to her mouth, muffling the giggles that bubbled up to the surface. She was enjoying this way too much.

"Alright, challenge accepted."

* * *

 **Spring, 1922**

 **My Dearest Ed,**

 **I've started this letter over a thousand times over already and I'm still unsure if I can put into words what I want to say.**

 **Well, there is one, maybe three words that I can successfully articulate.**

 **I love you.**

 **I hope you haven't died from a heart attack yet because there is more.**

 **I don't want to think about anything past making you mine, Ed. We only have but a sliver of time on this earth and most of it is wasted on pursuing things that do not matter. I don't want to waste another moment worrying about the inconsequential.**

 **Nothing is guaranteed in this life but there is one thing I'm certain of- I want to love you now. I don't want to think about what's ahead, about the possibility of someone else kissing you, of holding you. I can't worry if all we have are a few years or a few hours left with each other. I want right now and I'm offering you the most important part of me to seal the deal: My heart.**

 **It's not much but it's filled with nothing but an all-consuming love for you.**

 **Just for you, Ed.**

 **So, I made a decision…and brought you a ring.**

 **It's nothing extravagant because I know you hate that sort of thing. It's a simple promise that despite the uncertainty of what's to come, I'll stand beside you, carry you, be your respite, your renewal, your punching bag- your everything. I want to love you with my entire being, want to share who I am with you. I want to make a lot of babies with you and watch them grow. I want to look at you, fifty, sixty years from now and know that my heart is safe with you.**

 **I just want you.**

 **Now, the question is…will you have me?**

 **I'm still on the fence whether I should give you this letter before the ring. Maybe, just maybe what's in my heart will be good enough (but I'll keep this handy just in case).**

 **I anxiously await your answer, whatever it may be.**

 **Forever,**

 **Roy**

"God dammit, Mustang," Ed retorted thickly. She stood swiftly, brushing out the wrinkles in the skirting before reaching for the knob. She had to see him, had to look him in the eyes to confirm the words he'd spoken out of his heart.

"Ed, wait, what are you doing?"

"Damn tradition, Roy. I have to see you." She tried to pull the door open only to find that it wouldn't budge. She glared at the door, "Roy, let go."

"No, Edaline. I'm never going to let go."

His voice, although quiet, was heavy with emotion almost as if he were struggling to keep the tears at bay. There was tenderness to his words, something she hadn't heard even in their most intimate moments. Her heart ached to know that he'd held steadfastly to those feelings while she remained blissfully oblivious to his mindset.

Ed closed her eyes and relented, "We'll do this the right way then. Go get Alphonse and the glamour girls." She laughed softly as she wiped the remnants of her tears away, "Thanks to you, my make up's a mess."

"I'd take you anyway I can get you, Edaline."

Ed heard him huff and the telling sound of paper folding. She could imagine him standing there with a triumphant grin on his face, knowing that he'd one upped her once more.

She was the lucky one, however.

She had his love and in the end, it was the only thing that mattered.

Well, that and getting her hands on those letters.

End

 **And there it goes. Who knew Roy could be such a sap? ;)**

 **Please R &R if you are so inclined!**


End file.
